El Oh El

Soooo once upon a time people were blogging every damn week (day) now people are like uhh... non existant. People. smh... Rudolph the Red Nosed Reandeer, Had a very shiny... anywayzzz I feel like writing but don't want people to know what I've been thinking about since my last entry- stupid huh? My life. Would it be bad to say that I don't really care about who my friends are as long as I can find someone to say stuff to? Like... I've realized I don't really have qualifications for who I tell things to <-- eosp. I think this is pretty bad but: seeing as how not many (if any) people really have an interest in what I have to say, I talk to anyone willing to listen about anything. PROLEM- not everyone who listens has good intentions do they? <---- Everything you jut read is just a random thought. Now for the reason i opened up this pointless site:



I am happier than I have been in a loooooonnnngggg time. Because I am content... at peace with me, proud of what I do, doing something meaningful, progressing as a person, and seperating myself frm things that are negative. At times when i would have been upset, i just look at the person. Actually, I can't pinpoint the last time I was upset... it's been a while. EVERYTHING SEEMS TO BE GREAT except one thing. What could be bothering me? I don't have anything negative going on, there's no emminent failure in sight, and I'm happy. What could be wrong???

I'm lonely!!!! <---- this took so much to type (and even more to actually realize)

So I've already established that I 'm happy but the issue is, I don't have anyone to share my happiness. =(... lol. Recently some of my uhh friends? sure. Some of those have been 'teasing' me about my uhhhh forced celebacy but no one has considered that it is not forced. My funny Edem act has alot of uhhh... racy content so everyone assumes that I'm a horn-dog <-- LOL. I don't think anyone outside my family knows Edem- maybe it's actually Edem's fault? I guess But anyways, I don't want to do the dirty again for a while bcuz I don't ever remember a healthy relationship when I was being stupid in middle school. What I do need is someone I can talk to unconditionally <--- that sounds sooooooo simple but in what...3 years? I haven't found this. I've found about 5 or 6 people that are very close but not quite =(

I've been thinking about this for a while... everybody seems to be able to find someone that they can go to and just BLAHHHHH consistantly but I don't have one and it would be great to find it.

I also noticed that because of the nature of my childhood (way too long of a story) I love very easily and uhh latch on to people? yeah that. And it's not good bcuz it's never returned equally. Now I do NOT blame people for this because I don't think it's normal to care about random people as much like I tend to do.. I will work on this. It sucks when you have ummm... lets say a list of 20 people and and you rank everyone on your list higher than they would even think of putting you. LOLLLL I don't even make some of my top 20's lists <--- now THAT is sad innit rofl.. that was my mommy when she's doing impressions... =P

I must have ADD... no ABC looooolllll anywayzzz- lonely. Every bitty that I book (lol) doesn't spark my interest because they are airheads and the one's that spark my interest are either taken, b****es or dirty... or a combination rofllll I graduate from RHS so that I can meet more people and maybe there'll be some characters who are similar to me right? mayyyyyybeeeeeeeee lol. The cats that I mess with now are very cool, I just want to meet some people that are similar to me- I think it would be cool. I got acceptance letter from HOWARD!!! (not the community college lol) Now if UMD would send their crap so that know what my future holds... YEAHHHHHHH OHLEHDUE-EHHHH lol.


I need to get my self confidence up too... people have "packed" it out of me lol.

I have more to say but what's life without a couple secrets right? lol peace.

OKIE DOKIE??? okie dokie.