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... <--- this is where the blog was initialy supposed to stop, but I guess that would've been pointless... <--- there it goes again.


Ummmm I really don't know where to begin... <---; i guess I could start from the Spring of 10th grade but I don't feel like disclosing any of that to the www. Sooooo now I dont know why I'm blogging because I have amillion things on my mind and I don't actually want to say what they are... one bcuz ppl tend to stick their noses where they don't even abstractly belong and two, bcuz I realize there's no similar situation or person to pair myself with... excuse the end-of-sentence preposition. So supposedly this crappy no one understands feeling is part of being a teenager/adolescent/pubescent homosapien in modern civilization (then again maybe people pre-civilization had the same issue seeing as it's also caused by chemical fluctuations...) but I just don't bang with it.

why do I write this??? <--- idk actually... I don't think I actually want my personal thoughts to be visible by the common man yet here I am... typing... still typing... anywaysssss I can't do crap. Evidently, regarless of the fact that people are born pretty much involuntarily, they must exist in the conditions under which they're subjected to with minimal clout <--- Klawonn

I went to Ghana about 6 months ago. Ghana was free. Ghana was fun. Ghana made me happy. In Ghana, I was happier around random people more than I've ever been with any one individual in the "Land of the Free" I do not have "freedom" here. why? simply because my parents fear the "evils" of this "cold world". People are evidently capable of enticing me and manipulating my mindstate until I voluntarily sacrifice my well being for fun <--- NO

I can't enjoy life because freelance happiness leads to a lack of focus <--- O_o; I'm African. Understandably, African parents don't really trust "other" kids to interreact with their own when they don't know them. But when they know them, their parents and most of their backgrouds they trust them right? WRONG.

So for the rest of my hs career (basically 5 months O.O) I must follow my dad's rules to a 'T' especially if i plan on recieving a substantial amount of assistance during college. Right now... I'm probably as nervous as I've ever been in my life. My people's wont let me take a healthy loan out for college becaue tey wont sponsor it... see if you don't have a credit history, you have to get someone who can... i'm rambling.

I wonder how much support i'm going to get when i rlly need it. I'm starting to sense that i'm not going to get enough to survive so tht i can actually focus on school. I'm going to have to work alot just to get by comfortably meaning no car... idk abt a laptop... paying for my own books seeing as there's no savings to last 4 years... and yeah... life iseither going to suck dependingon what (if any) schools i get into. College Park has slowly become my ticket to a new beginning simply because it's a large, prominent institution which would be a non commuter for me (i'd live somewhere near the school), and i'd pay in state tuition. I could car less abt money if i could take a loan but that's uhhh... mmmmm... pshhh... DEAD. so i must adjust. I'vehad to d way too much adjusting in my life for a child my age.

I'm actually pretty proud of myself because I'm furious right now (like super mega take a deep breath mad) but my writings, at least to my perception, have been pretty uhhhh... lol 'chills'.

Who did I write this for? I kind of feel like i wrote this to my parents since my dad is prob going to probe my history and read it. It's fairly tasteful, pretty well written for a casual blog if i do say so myself, and an accurate (although watered down) representation of how i feel.


Okie Dokie? Okie Dokie.