Yayeeee

I Got In to College Park!!!!!!

and I think most of my friends got in!!!!!!!

So I was Google-ing...

and I came across this comment by some random dude in Seattle Washington. BEAST!!!!!!! I hope this is legal... I'm not claiming his writing.. it's just freggin awesome.

It's from www.stevepavlina.com (I was researching drifting friendships) and this guy wants a dollar lol:

"The idea of staying together forever is a bit outdated. Times change, people change, etc. and life goes on, with or without your old friends. This is a result, primarily, of the fact that it's easier and easier to find new friends with interests similar to your new interests. Sure, you don't share that same history, but that just means there's more to talk about, if you ever run out. "

If this doesn't make ur eyes go O.O!!!!... dude.

Huggghhhhhh!!!

So I came to a realization today after looking at people in grocery stores (lol yes very random) Specifically Mars and Wal Mart- By my standards, alot of people's living conditions suck. I mean like, I saw all these people with missing teeth and holes in their jeans (not homeless) extra obese, really sad looking in the face, and it made me extremely uncomfortable. Now with this "realization", I felt even better about the little things in life that people take for granted. Health insurance- hella sick people in this world with no funds to pay for it. A washing machine- YES A WASHING MACHINE. People, especially those who live in apt complexes that don't have machines have to go the laundry mat- that's money, time and energy wasted on something I can just go down stairs, push a button and forget about.

What hit me the most was thinking about what these people may have been like at my age- they had dreams too. They had a picture in their minds, but i highly doubt that their current condition is an accurate reflection of it. This then brought me to my peers... none of the people in my school, except for maybe this one kid, even slightly resembles what I saw in these stores today. IN AMERICA!!! It is quite saddening. Anyways, when i thought of my peers and looked at these people, I wondered, "how many of my friends/associates/ acquaintances are going to look like this in 15 years?" WOW. Some of these victims of "a dream deferred" were once the future engineers, pharmacists, doctors, athletes and lawyers of the world. Enough to make me blog right?

I really don't want to be like that when I get older... I don't even have family like that so maybe it's in my best interests to take alot of their advice? Is it? Maybe. Life is theeee most complicated 4 letter word- even more so than love because life embodies love in addition to hate and all the other things people can't seem to figure out. <--- someone disagrees with this...


You know what really sucks? Last time i blogged I basically wrote about lonliness. These people looked like the visual definition of lonely... like if loniness has a pictuire in the dictionary, this is what one would see. It suckedddddd. So now i wonder, is that how I look/am? IDK... I doubt it but hey, as Tupac said "It's hard going through life knowing no one loves you" <--- I admit that's a bit extreme lol I have fam but still =/


I've been doing some uhhh... self-'revolutionary' type thinking for the past 3 weeks lmao... I need a journal or a human suitcase... i feel like ppl won't get that... suitcase... pack stuff inside... human to 'pack stuff inside' watev- Paying the Price for being Different O_o

Okie Dokie???????

Okie Dokie.

El Oh El

Soooo once upon a time people were blogging every damn week (day) now people are like uhh... non existant. People. smh... Rudolph the Red Nosed Reandeer, Had a very shiny... anywayzzz I feel like writing but don't want people to know what I've been thinking about since my last entry- stupid huh? My life. Would it be bad to say that I don't really care about who my friends are as long as I can find someone to say stuff to? Like... I've realized I don't really have qualifications for who I tell things to <-- eosp. I think this is pretty bad but: seeing as how not many (if any) people really have an interest in what I have to say, I talk to anyone willing to listen about anything. PROLEM- not everyone who listens has good intentions do they? <---- Everything you jut read is just a random thought. Now for the reason i opened up this pointless site:



I am happier than I have been in a loooooonnnngggg time. Because I am content... at peace with me, proud of what I do, doing something meaningful, progressing as a person, and seperating myself frm things that are negative. At times when i would have been upset, i just look at the person. Actually, I can't pinpoint the last time I was upset... it's been a while. EVERYTHING SEEMS TO BE GREAT except one thing. What could be bothering me? I don't have anything negative going on, there's no emminent failure in sight, and I'm happy. What could be wrong???

I'm lonely!!!! <---- this took so much to type (and even more to actually realize)

So I've already established that I 'm happy but the issue is, I don't have anyone to share my happiness. =(... lol. Recently some of my uhh friends? sure. Some of those have been 'teasing' me about my uhhhh forced celebacy but no one has considered that it is not forced. My funny Edem act has alot of uhhh... racy content so everyone assumes that I'm a horn-dog <-- LOL. I don't think anyone outside my family knows Edem- maybe it's actually Edem's fault? I guess But anyways, I don't want to do the dirty again for a while bcuz I don't ever remember a healthy relationship when I was being stupid in middle school. What I do need is someone I can talk to unconditionally <--- that sounds sooooooo simple but in what...3 years? I haven't found this. I've found about 5 or 6 people that are very close but not quite =(

I've been thinking about this for a while... everybody seems to be able to find someone that they can go to and just BLAHHHHH consistantly but I don't have one and it would be great to find it.

I also noticed that because of the nature of my childhood (way too long of a story) I love very easily and uhh latch on to people? yeah that. And it's not good bcuz it's never returned equally. Now I do NOT blame people for this because I don't think it's normal to care about random people as much like I tend to do.. I will work on this. It sucks when you have ummm... lets say a list of 20 people and and you rank everyone on your list higher than they would even think of putting you. LOLLLL I don't even make some of my top 20's lists <--- now THAT is sad innit rofl.. that was my mommy when she's doing impressions... =P

I must have ADD... no ABC looooolllll anywayzzz- lonely. Every bitty that I book (lol) doesn't spark my interest because they are airheads and the one's that spark my interest are either taken, b****es or dirty... or a combination rofllll I graduate from RHS so that I can meet more people and maybe there'll be some characters who are similar to me right? mayyyyyybeeeeeeeee lol. The cats that I mess with now are very cool, I just want to meet some people that are similar to me- I think it would be cool. I got acceptance letter from HOWARD!!! (not the community college lol) Now if UMD would send their crap so that know what my future holds... YEAHHHHHHH OHLEHDUE-EHHHH lol.


I need to get my self confidence up too... people have "packed" it out of me lol.

I have more to say but what's life without a couple secrets right? lol peace.

OKIE DOKIE??? okie dokie.

...

... <--- this is where the blog was initialy supposed to stop, but I guess that would've been pointless... <--- there it goes again.


Ummmm I really don't know where to begin... <---; i guess I could start from the Spring of 10th grade but I don't feel like disclosing any of that to the www. Sooooo now I dont know why I'm blogging because I have amillion things on my mind and I don't actually want to say what they are... one bcuz ppl tend to stick their noses where they don't even abstractly belong and two, bcuz I realize there's no similar situation or person to pair myself with... excuse the end-of-sentence preposition. So supposedly this crappy no one understands feeling is part of being a teenager/adolescent/pubescent homosapien in modern civilization (then again maybe people pre-civilization had the same issue seeing as it's also caused by chemical fluctuations...) but I just don't bang with it.

why do I write this??? <--- idk actually... I don't think I actually want my personal thoughts to be visible by the common man yet here I am... typing... still typing... anywaysssss I can't do crap. Evidently, regarless of the fact that people are born pretty much involuntarily, they must exist in the conditions under which they're subjected to with minimal clout <--- Klawonn

I went to Ghana about 6 months ago. Ghana was free. Ghana was fun. Ghana made me happy. In Ghana, I was happier around random people more than I've ever been with any one individual in the "Land of the Free" I do not have "freedom" here. why? simply because my parents fear the "evils" of this "cold world". People are evidently capable of enticing me and manipulating my mindstate until I voluntarily sacrifice my well being for fun <--- NO

I can't enjoy life because freelance happiness leads to a lack of focus <--- O_o; I'm African. Understandably, African parents don't really trust "other" kids to interreact with their own when they don't know them. But when they know them, their parents and most of their backgrouds they trust them right? WRONG.

So for the rest of my hs career (basically 5 months O.O) I must follow my dad's rules to a 'T' especially if i plan on recieving a substantial amount of assistance during college. Right now... I'm probably as nervous as I've ever been in my life. My people's wont let me take a healthy loan out for college becaue tey wont sponsor it... see if you don't have a credit history, you have to get someone who can... i'm rambling.

I wonder how much support i'm going to get when i rlly need it. I'm starting to sense that i'm not going to get enough to survive so tht i can actually focus on school. I'm going to have to work alot just to get by comfortably meaning no car... idk abt a laptop... paying for my own books seeing as there's no savings to last 4 years... and yeah... life iseither going to suck dependingon what (if any) schools i get into. College Park has slowly become my ticket to a new beginning simply because it's a large, prominent institution which would be a non commuter for me (i'd live somewhere near the school), and i'd pay in state tuition. I could car less abt money if i could take a loan but that's uhhh... mmmmm... pshhh... DEAD. so i must adjust. I'vehad to d way too much adjusting in my life for a child my age.

I'm actually pretty proud of myself because I'm furious right now (like super mega take a deep breath mad) but my writings, at least to my perception, have been pretty uhhhh... lol 'chills'.

Who did I write this for? I kind of feel like i wrote this to my parents since my dad is prob going to probe my history and read it. It's fairly tasteful, pretty well written for a casual blog if i do say so myself, and an accurate (although watered down) representation of how i feel.


Okie Dokie? Okie Dokie.