How am I supposed to do this.

Soooo... I couldn't get my thoughts out the last time I blogged for reasons unbeknownst to me... but here I am... this is what I've realized... my emotions are very uhhhh... roller coastery. At one point, i can't think of anything that's going wrong and within 24 hours... or even just a couple hours, life seems to be so... idk- Useless maybe. It's the weirdest thing.. sometimes I don't even know what I'm thinking about... what I've come up with, along with the assistance of special Lady #3 (#1 is mommy, #2 is Stronggg) is that I've not reached a level of achievement that satisfies me as a person. ANNNNDDD until I reach that point, I will have that emptiness feeling.. Problem is, I expect so much from myself that anything less than stellar will leave me unsatisfied. Dilemma huh? I think recently, my biggest worry has been my family in Ghana. Some of them are broke beyond comfort... not cool. I'd love to help but don't quite have the means... now how much would it suck if the first generation managed to contribute but the second generation in America failed. I' m dealing with pressures of my own will as well as the expectation that i'll do better than my parents by ALOT. This is not an easy feat... they are doing quite well indeed. How the hell do I do that???

Basically, I'm coming to the realization that I'm (especially being the first male of about 25 grandchildren to attend college in America) expected to surpass the bar... but the bar is raised high. African dude with middle school education comes to America with no family, works at Dominoes to pay his way through Nursing school, graduates Suma Cum-Laude and goes on to be nicee- If that's not a movie i'll be damned. How do you top that??? Can you say pressure?