How am I supposed to do this.

Soooo... I couldn't get my thoughts out the last time I blogged for reasons unbeknownst to me... but here I am... this is what I've realized... my emotions are very uhhhh... roller coastery. At one point, i can't think of anything that's going wrong and within 24 hours... or even just a couple hours, life seems to be so... idk- Useless maybe. It's the weirdest thing.. sometimes I don't even know what I'm thinking about... what I've come up with, along with the assistance of special Lady #3 (#1 is mommy, #2 is Stronggg) is that I've not reached a level of achievement that satisfies me as a person. ANNNNDDD until I reach that point, I will have that emptiness feeling.. Problem is, I expect so much from myself that anything less than stellar will leave me unsatisfied. Dilemma huh? I think recently, my biggest worry has been my family in Ghana. Some of them are broke beyond comfort... not cool. I'd love to help but don't quite have the means... now how much would it suck if the first generation managed to contribute but the second generation in America failed. I' m dealing with pressures of my own will as well as the expectation that i'll do better than my parents by ALOT. This is not an easy feat... they are doing quite well indeed. How the hell do I do that???

Basically, I'm coming to the realization that I'm (especially being the first male of about 25 grandchildren to attend college in America) expected to surpass the bar... but the bar is raised high. African dude with middle school education comes to America with no family, works at Dominoes to pay his way through Nursing school, graduates Suma Cum-Laude and goes on to be nicee- If that's not a movie i'll be damned. How do you top that??? Can you say pressure?

ok... ok... OK!!!!

So even tho I'm slightly pissed because i missed out on a trip to King's Dominion (longgg story) i am relatively happy right now. Soo i just landed two mega awesome Internships with the University of Maryland and school hasn't even started yet. You know what that does to a young man's confidence??? Let's be real- seeing as my goals are so off the wall from most people's (I want in on the entertainment world) my biggest fear in life is failing. At life. Like... I've been told so much that i have to do something that if I did nothing, or was even close to average, I'd fail. That's another thing: If i'm simply above average, I'll feel like a failure. I need to be the best at what I do... whatever it may be.

My biggest obstacle to success: ME

I need to stay focused and make sure I target the success- not the money.

High School: I realized something that made me so friggin happy: When I look at media, I realize that they rely heavily on Urban Influences. Going through the public school system and attending a school like Randallstown, I understand the urban environment very well. This means that in addition to communicating with the "upper end" players in the system, I can also communicate with the people with whom others are afraid to speak. I'm trying to say a lot without saying it... i guess going to a "black" school will be a surprising advantage.

I am planning my life so that I have a Plan B, Plan C, Plan D etc. This is a must... if I catch tunnel vision and throw all my energy into one goal, assuming that goal is unmet, I'll just be another dreamer that never made it.

But with my Senior year internship, I befriended the Public Relations Manager for the Washington Wizards which is a great little su' sum' =). Now, I got one with UMD's flagship sports media outlet and an writing gig with a music website. LET'S GO CAL!!! rrrrraaaahhh

lol... I got crap on my mind- I'll be back

Already? Already.

Steeerrrroooookkkkeeee