This Blog would've died if not for Miles.

"I've sat here and thought for a hot minute and there's no word or set of words that describes ... Once again everything fine internally, comfy with Edem blah blah that shit is not the point. Why is... what the fuck I can't even explain.

June watev the bloody date is, We're gone and never looking back. Like seriously?? I can't take this crap with me. The reservations and everything surrounding them is not condusive to success. I'm damn near convinced these four years have been the worst years in terms of social development. It's almost impossible to make decent friends RHS. 10% of the school suffers from lead poisoning and another 30% is on meds for this that or the other. So I've been in a school with paint chip kids and the future "I had a dream and failed"s of the world. <--- that was a terrible thing to say but yeah.

Randallstown has been just about everything people said it would be. Even the 'smart' ones tend to b brick stupid. I'll make one final attempt to set things right with a ton of people.. y am I constantly reaching?? and if that doesn't work have a nice life mother_ *except for a few individuals. u kno who u r.

This is stupid. Why do I blog. Why am I even typing my thoughts. THEY'RE MY THOUGHTS. I should delete this crap. With time. It's not time yet. This crap will be gone soon. I don't like it. I don't get it. I don't want to get it. fuck it. Things that should stay will stay and everything else will be forgotten within 2 weeks of graduation. Tired of it.

I came from a predominantly white school so i acted diff than the average student- for this i was alienated from the rest... except for Kevin and eventually Wilson. I've never been one to sit there and feel sorry for myself so when people attempted to hurt me, I returned the favor thrice fold. Now that we're all older and people think it's cool to be different, all these random people *even some who didn't like or understand me, want to be cool. Some are pretty cool but I see thru alot of crap. there's too much crap. *FLUSH

I think of all things I want in life, I want someone to UNDERSTAND. not even agree... i could care less... just UNDERSTAND. I'm at the point that I get scared to speak on things because even those who are close have the same misinterpretation and I feel crappy. i reallllllly don't understand why I'm writing this... nothing changes. The good part of the whole situation (something happy lol) is that it's not always like this- mostly RHS... it's like i started to tink this is how my life would be, forgettingtat RHS is not representative of the world... if anything, I'd say Terpnet (thnx Nicole and Yvette) gave me that otherside i've been missing. Within a week, I've already met a couple people who shareinterests that no one in school does... i'm rambling.

FOR THE RECORD- Marcus, Miles, Yvette (the people that I think will read this today... maybe not u Fubar lol) this is not an attack on any of you so no taking offense or bitching. this is the stupidity that is Edem ."




^^ So I typed this about an hour ago and read it like 6 times. It sounds hella grr but that was exactly how I felt. I say felt bcuz I'm not irritated anymore but people tend to be more honest when they're upset. I could never say that stuff right now- the wonders of frustration. LOL come to think of it, this is like a light version of how my convo's used to go with Fubar when I vented on the world. Why didn't I call? good question Edem.

* it's prob necessary that I establish I don't feel like i'm bttr thn anyone b4 tht turns into another misconception. i'm sure someone will draw something false out of this but i've covered most of my bases so i won't care too much. bye